This is not just some random statement or thought about marriages and relationships, if you ask most of the people that were in the last century and grew up before 2000, they will say the same thing.
Modern relationships seem to be lacking something that our parents and grandparents had between them. Here, we just explore some of the reasons why that might be the case.
Less Technology Meant More Deeper Connections
In the time of our parents, it is a well-known fact that technology wasn’t that advanced. We didn’t have cellphones, apps, and advanced tech for that matter. Communication wasn’t that easy to begin with. In those times, it wasn’t affordable for most people to even have phones, some did, and most didn’t.
This meant if you wanted to find a date, you actually would need to talk to the person you are interested in! As we know, most younger generation can’t seem to hold a conversion today as they are mostly glued to their phones and can talk effortlessly via text, but not face to face.
The other factor is that these interactions were special. Most of the people who dated back then were known to each other or their geographical location was within the vicinity as we didn’t have social media or means of communication. The only way to talk would be through the landline but most didn’t prefer that way anyway.
As people lived in communities, almost everyone knew everyone else, which made having flings difficult. Another important factor is culture.
Family Values Were Respected And Were Involved More In Their Children’s Lives
There has been a rise in loneliness in today’s generation compared to the previous generation and one of the big reasons is being a ‘strong’ independent’ mindset. What people forget is that nobody is truly independent.
You don’t grow your food, most people can’t do their taxes, can’t defend themselves against bad people, and most people can’t treat themselves when they are ill, so, nobody is truly independent. We all need people to help us at some point in time or another.
A family unit provided the emotional and financial support when their children needed it. As you cross the teenage years into adulthood, you don’t understand much, and neither you have the skills to be gainfully employed, at that time, a family unit can be a lifesaver instead of waiting tables in a rented apartment whose rent you can barely afford.
Parents also have a major role to play in their children’s lives. They shape the values and lessons they learned as they grew up for their kids so they don’t repeat the same mistakes they made. Also, it is a statically proven fact that the involvement of fathers in their daughters’ lives decreases their chances of having teenage pregnancies and boys ending up in prison. Sadly, laws are not made that way.
Some years earlier, fathers would have some involvement in who their daughters dated, making sure they were not taken advantage of by men who were not serious. This was erased by the family court as almost more than half the divorces are initiated by women and fathers lose contact with their children barring some visitation rights. This led to the rise of broken families especially in the western part of the world.
A strong father figure gives guidance to young boys on their path to becoming a man and daughters a direction in what to look for in a partner and imparting invaluable knowledge of the harsh realities of life and how to deal with them.
As the fathers were removed from the picture, these children grew up with little to no direction. Most boys would find their father figure in someone else, and most often, it is not the right one. Girls grow up with self-esteem issues and would go after men who are not inclined towards marriage but they chase them as it gives them emotional feelings they have never experienced before. Speaking of emotions.
Feelings Took Center Stage Instead Of Responsibility In Marriage
The main idea of marriage was for a stable environment for the children to grow up in as they have a better chance of success than those who are from single-parent households. It was also a means of supporting yourself as you grow older as it becomes difficult to take care of yourself as you age.
Earlier, marriage wasn’t just something two individuals were involved in families also developed a bond here. As mentioned earlier, parents were a lot more involved before, so, they would check if the person is an appropriate match for their child. The scenario is different nowadays.
Most relations are based if you feel romantic or not. This is not a phenomenon in recent years, but the fact of giving up without trying to save the relationship is. People used to marry for love before as well, the difference is they put in the work to make the relationship work instead of opting out the minute it starts getting ‘boring’ as most people put it.
If you look at most of the reasons for annulment, they can be solved if thought logically, but that’s the problem, people don’t want to think logically, they want to go with what they are feeling and think it is right not understanding that feeling are temporary, they might come and go, but the consequences of your actions remain, and that cannot be changed easily. Another new factor came into play here.
Dating Has Become Harder Because Of Money (Especially For Men)
If you ask an average American woman what amount of money a man should earn to be considered a good prospect, most of them would reply at least 100K a year. Now, everyone has the right to have their expectations, but these expectations are ludicrous.
If we look statistically, 16% of American individuals earn about 100K to 150K per year, this includes all individuals like men, women, etc. If we remove those who are not attracted to women, this number decreases significantly. If the women have preferences like being tall, not being fat, or any other criteria, this number decreases further, talking about almost less than 5% of people.
Now think about this for a second, what are the chances of you finding this small pool of men, and what are the odds they would like you and end up in marriage? It is safe to say, the odds are not in women’s favor here. Infidelity on the rise doesn’t help either.
Dating Apps Made Cheating Easier
In the present years, it might not be right to call it dating as it has given rise to something called hookup culture. It can summarized as having multiple sexual partners and considering it okay.
It is a fact that sex leads to the release of chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and others that give us a high. This is good for mental and physical health, but too much of something can be bad as well.
Having multiple partners before marriage has been linked with a higher rate of divorce than those who have fewer or no partners. The reason for this is it is essential to be able to pair bond for a long-term relationship to work, with multiple partners, this decreases.
This is also one of the major reasons for cheating. The feeling you get at the beginning of a new relationship is something special. You want to talk to the person all the time, you seem to find their quirks funny and even amusing at times, and you like to spend time with them and hear their stories and many other things. This period of bliss can be called a ‘honeymoon’ period and it mostly lasts for almost 3 to 5 years. After that, your emotional state returns to the same level as you were before as you have become familiar with them.
Many cannot handle the fact that they would not get that specific feeling again, unless, they get into a new relationship without breaking their current one as they need the security if things don’t work out. And finding new partners has been made incredibly easy with dating apps.
With a click of a button, you can find willing partners in a short amount of time. It is well known that in dating, it is far easier for a woman to land a guy than the other way around. It makes it easier for women to cheat on men as the laws also support them. If you look at divorce laws in America, even if the woman cheats, she still gets half of the assets the husband owns. As there is no punishment or consequence for cheating, why would they care about it? There is another factor.
Overestimation Of One’s Value
It is good to think you deserve the best, it is not a good idea to not know where you stand as a whole.
If you have seen a lot of videos going around on YouTube, you must have seen a lot of women when asked if they rate themselves out of 10, they say above 8, which is not possible. Most people are average and there is nothing wrong in admitting the said fact, it is a problem when you can’t admit you are average and act as if you the cream of the top it becomes a problem. The same goes for men.
A man who doesn’t have a job that pays decent money, has his house in order, doesn’t have the necessary skills to make decisions, is not reasonably physically fit, is not assertive can’t expect a woman who would want to be with him or that a model would go after him. That is daydreaming.
It is not uncommon for people to destroy their relationships thinking they could do better and later on coming to regret their decision. By then, it’s too late.
There’s a simple solution for all these problems, being content with what you have can go a long way in maintaining a relationship and it is also a good idea to have realistic expectations of your partner. When we were little, we didn’t like to be compared to others based on our performance or other things, so, why would you think it is okay to compare your partner to other individuals?
Appreciate what your partner does for you and show them your affection from time to time and that will be the start of your long and fulfilling relationships.